Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Medieval Management Resources

Not getting the most out of your business? Your employees not performing at their best? We can help you, with our famous series of employee motivation seminars and workshops! You'll never regret putting your faith in Medieval Management Resources, the Masters of Management, Leaders of Leadership, the most cutting edge theories on Human Resources the 15'th century has to offer.

Whipping and You.
The bread-and-butter of employee motivation, used by seasoned managers everywhere. Janitor giving you lip? Whip him! Seamstress demanding time off to "deliver a baby"? Whip her! Stable-hand stealing hay to "keep his family warm"? You guessed it, whip him!
Our hands-on workshop will teach you advanced new techniques that will keep you swinging all day long. Employ liberally and watch your business rise to new heights! Don't believe us? Listen to this testimonial:

"Whipping and You" taught me invaluable lessons, benefitting me daily in my labour to keep the dirty heretics at bay and shutting up those traitors to the faith who claim i like whipping to much.

Tomás de Torquemada,
confessor to Queen Isabella and Grand Inquisitor of Spain.


Management by Stoning.
Nothing says "keep up the good work" like a sharp rock to the face.

Burning, Hot Oil - theory and practice.
Aimed at savvy senior managers at your larger establishments. Many complain that employing burning oil is overly labourous and impractical. We disagreee. Flooding the first floor with searing, hot oil is sure to keep your peons on floor 2 from slacking off and well worth the extra costs. Dipping random people in the deep-fryer has also proven to be VERY inspirational and an appreciated event on company outings. Sign up for the Executive VIP Package and the seminar includes a complimentary one-day peasant hunt!

Do's and Don'ts of Scorpion Pits.
Budding entrepreneurs often find the beauracracy and regulations associated with building their first scorpion pit overwhelming to their start-up. We'll give you a step-by-step on how to get through this process without problems, all the way up to throwing the building-inspector down your newly dug pit and getting away with it!

Gladiator Games, the Promotional Ladder.
Cut the red tape of performance-reviews and union-negotiations and keep your employees constantly striving to deliver top-notch performance. Added benefit of removing squemy sissies from your management staff. Seminar includes introduction to the handling and feeding of vicious lions.

Don't hesitate, order our full catalogue today! Keep your edge, or it could be you tied to the whipping-post next time.

2 comments:

Erik said...

Me wants a catalogue!

CB said...

"Management by Fear" fick just en ny (och bättre!) innebörd. Var skriver jag upp mig?